Tricks and Treats

Not that Hindu spirituality doesn't have a tradition of mystical eroticism, but my second neighbor anecdote swings wildly to the profane. Presented here in thematically appropriate, Poetastic verse:

Once upon a 3 a.m. dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over World of Warcraft and insomniac diversions galore,
While I quested, gaining some levels, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my apartment door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `Maybe it's Proctor looking to crash on my floor?'

Ah, distinctly I recall there was no light in the hall,
So, annoyed, I muzzled my greeting through the door.
'Yeah?' I gave reply - 'What is it?' I did inquisite,
For any visit at this hour could only be a menace or a bore.

"Hi, it's Tiffany" came a voice most lilting - "You called for someone to come over" offered a presumption of rapport.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis a prostitute at my chamber door' - 'She thinks I want to score.'
Though no recollection of calling, what followed was more appalling,
she then argued with me through the bolted door.

'I think you've got the wrong address,' I thought would send her packing,
'No, this is the one you gave me,' was her retort. (silent "t")
At that point I made to disengage, for I could grasp her smoldering rage,
when I heard another voice call from the second floor.

Spinning thoughts into my brain's fore, I soon realized the matter's core -
my new neighbor, he loves sex with Asian whore(s)!

Seriously, I don't even know his name -- he's strenuously anti-social. But I've learned one thing all too well: He just loves to have sex with Asian prostitutes.

I also have a feeling he's a big Pasadena Weekly fan, at least of the last four pages.